Chemo-HAIR-apy

Years ago, my grandparents were in a local musical group called the Grandmas & Grandpas, and their motto was "we'd rather wear out than rust out".  That phrase came to my mind this past Friday night, when my brother Don threw a head shaving party in preparation for his upcoming cancer treatments.  About 100 family and friends gathered to show love and support. The event, dubbed "Chemo-HAIR-apy" was held at the Emerge Ministries location where Don is Vice President and a practicing Christian psychologist.  He turned it into a fund-raiser to benefit the Children's Center at Emerge.

 Don has been pushing through this cancer battle ever since his Multiple Myeloma diagnosis came last November.  To say he has been an inspiration is way understating the impact his positive attitude and unwavering faith in God has been on a myriad of people around the world.  (Our local newspaper ran a front page article with his story on February 17, 2012 and it has continued to be picked up by papers as far away as China and Australia. He is still receiving personal notes from strangers from all over the place!)

In about a week, Don is scheduled to be admitted to University Hospital in Cleveland, Ohio to undergo the greatest challenge yet in his journey.  The day before his autologous stem cell transplant, a very strong and toxic chemotherapy drug will be administered in hopes of killing off any remaining cancer cells.  Don has an amazing head of thick hair for a 59 year old man, so the head shaving party as an alternative to losing it in clumps from the drug's side effects was an effort to put a positive spin on a dreaded reality.

Don invited folks to do something silly with their hair.  Our brother Bob was quick to oblige:

Hubby and I wore hair bows:

And my mom did THIS:

We all ate some pizza, salad, and cookies and there were pens and papers on the tables for attendees to write personal notes to Don.  For a small price, folks could throw a whipped cream pie at a volunteer from the Emerge staff.

Most people know that Don detests men's pink shirts, but just for fun he was willing to wear one!

Here I am with Don and John Palmer, President of Emerge Ministries




Some of the family right before the shave

Marcie, Don's wife, looks on as the head shaving begins...

Don is saying something like "I think you are cutting a little shorter than usual"

Now that wasn't so bad, was it?

The evening ended with John Palmer leading us in prayer, asking God to do what the doctors aren't able to...

Don being pushed by one of his grandchildren..



and loving on two of mine.

"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me."
Philippians 4:13

"Personality is what you are to others..."

Today is my mom's 83rd birthday!  And I want her to know I've not forgotten what she wrote in my autograph book more than 50 years ago:

"Personality is what you are to others, character is what you are."

So often we are judged by our outward appearances...our looks, our style of dress, how much we weigh, how we present ourselves publicly, and so forth.  As a teenager,  one of my close friends told me, "if it wasn't for your hair...you would be...nothing! Really?  I laugh at that memory now.  I know she was trying to compliment me and in an awkward way was saying that I did a pretty good job with my hair style and it was one of my best outward features.  

Sometimes even now friends make comments to me like "you need to get a life" or "you need to get out more often".  When I hear that sort of thing, I just accept that they are making a judgment about an aspect of my personality that they can see outwardly.

My brother Don, who happens to be fighting a very serious form of cancer, updated his blog recently and talks about risking intimacy in relationships. We don't always let the barriers down and allow others to see us up close and personal. Sometimes I hesitate to "show myself" because I don't want to seem like I am trying to draw attention to myself or make it look like I am asking for a pat on the back.  It's often more comfortable just to keep things between me and God.

I also don't like rejection (who DOES?!) and I've lived enough years now to fully know that not everyone will accept me for who I really am, what I have to say, or love me in spite of my best (and often flawed) attempts at communicating.  Still, being misunderstood is painful.

Having said all of the above, I want to share a couple things that gave me a lot of personal joy yesterday.  My hubby and I took a couple of hours to pick up donated casseroles, soups, and cookies from our church and deliver them to an inner city ministry.  We had opportunity to chat with the house mom and a young girl doing some community service as part of her legal obligation.  After that, we stopped at a local restaurant and picked up some food which we delivered to a friend who is staying day and night at the children's hospital with her special needs son who was admitted with breathing problems, and her 2 month old nursing daughter.  Her other two children are with their grandmother.  My friend isn't married and can't work, so finances are very limited and she simply could not afford to buy meals at the hospital.  

I haven't stopped to analyze why yesterday was so meaningful to me personally or why I felt such joy in serving others.  But if I had to guess, I would say it is probably because in spite of our own job uncertainty and my brother's health crisis, and a few other things going on that keep me on my knees, I realized again how very blessed I have been in so many ways.  There's just something about getting close enough to the real life situations of others that makes you realize you don't have it so bad, in spite of frustrating or even agonizing circumstances.  

So I want to say "thank you Mom!" for instilling in me very early on that character development is far more important than any of the things that people see about my personality.  

"...for man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart." I Samuel 16:7

Life Interrupted...

My world has been knocked off its axis.  No, it isn't about the ongoing unemployment.  That's just been a little bump in the road.  We've been down that road before, and eventually it will smooth out.  There are options we haven't even begun to explore.  Something will come together and we will survive unemployment one way or another.

A few weeks ago Bob and I were enjoying dinner at Olive Garden with my brother and his wife.  They were treating us in celebration of our 35th wedding anniversary.  Don winced every now and then...his back was still bothering him and physical therapy wasn't helping.  He was disappointed because he had hoped to be training for his 12th marathon. At age 59, he was the picture of health and vitality.  He had been running for fitness and stress relief  for decades.  But this new pain in his back was bringing all that to a screeching halt, and he was having all kinds of scans and tests run to see what was going on.

One night he ended up having to go to the ER, the pain was so great he felt he couldn't move.  He was admitted to the hospital for more tests and morphine.  A few days later he sent us a text message late at night.  "got the test results.  news not so good."  As my husband read the details to me, I was at first stunned and then angry.  I wanted to start throwing things.  I felt sick to my stomach.  I thought I was having a nightmare and I just wanted to wake up to my normal life again...life as it had been before this news.

I'd heard of multiple myeloma before. Our grandmother died from it 40 years ago.  It is an incurable blood cancer that settles in the bones.  It is very rare, representing only about 1% of all cancers.  And just a few years ago I had done a little research on the internet when I had a small tumor removed from my inner elbow area.  Mine was not malignant but I was curious as to the symptoms of multiple myeloma.  That was when I found out that in spite of many new experimental drugs, radiation and chemotherapy, not much progress has been made in finding a cure or in survival rates. Still, the doctors are saying this cancer is "very treatable".  So we hope.

In my brother's case, a tumor was found on his L5 vertebrae, and had in fact crushed it, causing the severe pain he is experiencing.  More scans, more tests...  The good news so far being the cancer has not metastasized in any other bones.   Chemotherapy begins in just a few days.

As I sat before my brother yesterday while he rested on the hospital bed that has been set up in their family room, he held both of my hands for a long time.  He is taking a liquid morphine every 2 hours so he faded in and out as we talked.  He wanted to tell me about the good things he sees happening already as a result of his suffering.  "God stories" as he calls them.  His faith is strong.  He is determined not to "waste his cancer".

We don't know where this road is leading.  It's not a journey any of us would choose to travel.  Only God knows the end from the beginning and the number of our days.  In spite of the shock, the pain, and the uncertainty, as individuals and as a family we will choose to say "Blessed be the name of the Lord."  And we would so appreciate your prayers for healing, for strength, for faith to remain strong through the storm.  Thank you friends.  I know you will.

 Don Lichi 

Sept. 2011