I'd rather wear out than rust out...

Years ago my grandparents were in a fun local seniors band and that was their slogan.  I've sort of adopted it as my life's theme.  It's another way of saying something else I often repeat: "I want to live till I die."  

Yesterday I wanted to do something special with the grandchildren, since there is only one more week until school starts.  I knew I was on my own with three of them, and I was at a loss to come up with a plan for the day.  We've done a lot of the usual already: the zoo, the local parks, hiking, swimming, the library, baking, crafts, a lemonade stand, the flea market, and playing in Grandma's park (our backyard).  

Before they arrived yesterday morning, I did something I often do when I feel a lack of direction for the day ahead.  I prayed.  "Lord, I need you to order my day.  I know for sure there are two things that you have promised to give for the asking:  forgiveness and wisdom.  I need both.  Please give me an idea of something fun to do with the kids today."

It wasn't very long until I thought about taking them to Ohio's Amish country, located in Holmes County and a little more than an hour's drive away.  It would get us out of town and into the beautiful countryside, and I thought they would love tasting the cheese at Heini's.  But could I handle three of them on my own for such a venture?  I'd never gone there by myself before, but I knew I kept a detailed map of Amish Country in my car. And I had Dora, my faithful GPS, plus a stroller. Confidence rose and I felt my prayer had been answered.

When I finally got everyone dressed, fed, and buckled tightly into their carseats, I pulled out of the garage and stopped.  I announced to the kids that whenever grandma and papa go on a trip, we always say a prayer first.  So I prayed out loud for a safe and fun day and gave thanks for the beautiful weather and our special time together.  Simple and to the point. A teachable moment too.  

There were many more teachable moments, especially once we got off the highway and onto the country roads.  We took turns spotting grazing cows, baby goats, lots of horses, beautiful farms and rolling hills.  We started counting how many horses and buggies we saw until they became a common scene.  We looked for houses without any electrical lines attached to them, and we saw lots of clothes being dried outside in the breeze.  I pointed out several small Amish school houses.  We talked about some of the differences between the Amish and the Mennonites, who also populate the area.  In answer to my granddaughter's question, I explained that even though it is called "Amish Country", that we were indeed still in the United States!  We talked about the difference between being "in the country" and "in the city".  

Our first stop was the Ashery Country Store. Located in Fredericksburg, Ashery's is a bulk food store I've enjoyed going to since my own kids were young.  I was pleasantly surprised at how much the store has expanded and the grandkids loved that there were free samples throughout ~ candy, pretzels and dips, even sassafras tea.  When I was looking for a certain item, I inquired to a woman I recognized had been there for probably 20 years! Even though the store had changed slightly, it really did seem like time had stood still here!  People were so friendly too, stopping to chat and admire the grandchildren. There are some interesting facts at the Ashery website, found here.

Ten minutes farther down the road is Heini's, where cheese-making operations have been going on for 75 years.  It takes a little time to walk around the store and sample every cheese they sell.  And behind large glass windows we could see the workers cleaning out the huge vats where they had made cheese earlier in the day.  We paused to watch part of a video which showed the process.  

On her own, Elylah decided to keep a little scorecard of ranking her favorite cheeses!

 Ethan: "Grandma look! Mouse cheese!"

Some unusual varieties included rainbow fudge cheese.

We left Heini's and drove a few more miles down the road to "downtown" Berlin.  Main Street is full of tiny little primitive looking shops and I knew of a restaurant where we could get some lunch.  I didn't try to take the kids inside any of the shops (I'm not THAT crazy!) but we enjoyed strolling up and down the street a little.  I did take notice of lots of "new" shops that weren't there the last time I was in Berlin, and I'll go back to check them out another time when I can freely browse!  

We waited about 15 minutes in line to go into Boyd's, a great sandwich shop in the heart of things.  Again I was stunned to realize a waitress was someone I recognized from more than a decade ago.  The place was just as busy as always, filled with visitors from all over.  The kids wanted home made chicken noodle soup, and I had a half-order of a hot roast beef sandwich, my favorite when I go to Amish country. Apologizing for the mess we left, I gave the waitress a good tip.  She chatted with me for a minute, and we were on our way.

The timing worked out perfectly and I drove the kids directly home.  They slept the entire hour.  I'm still glowing with memories of this perfect, gifted day.  God is good.  And I thank Him!

"If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given." 

James 1:5

a call to pray!

As most of you know, our family has recently welcomed two new babies: a grandson born March 28 and a grandaughter born March 30.  We are grateful for their safe arrivals and that they are both so healthy and thriving so well.  It seems we rarely even consider that babies today could be born with any problems and we just go along our merry ways, rejoicing in the blessings of these little ones.

However, just in the past week I have been made aware of three babies who belong to friends of friends or   relatives who are in need of our prayers.  Would you join me in lifting these precious ones before the throne of our Father for their healing and strength and also the parents who love them and who desperately want them to live?  Thanking you in advance~I know you will.

Alexander, born 11 weeks early on April 13 @ 2# 7 oz. to first time parents

Pierce, born at 1# 8 oz by emergency C-Section to first time parents on April 12. He is the most critical of the three babies, and you can follow his progress here.

Julian-Peter, born a premie with a good weight but having breathing problems.  This is a military family and dad will be deployed later this summer.  It's a large family so mom will have her hands full.

"Now unto him that is able to do exceeding abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that worketh in us, unto him be the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus unto all generations for ever and ever. Amen."  Ephesians 3:20-21

Stop doubting and believe!

Did you ever have one of those experiences where you were going to just burst unless you told someone some good news? Well, that's me today.

Early this morning a friend was so upset and crying so hard that she couldn't even think straight. It all started yesterday when she was doing a good deed and baking cookies with a teenager who needed some extra tlc...When it was all over she could not find her set of engagement/wedding rings or her 40th anniversary diamond ring. She remembered taking the rings off so like any good Italian cook, she could use her hands to mix the cookie dough. She called the teenager to see if she had seen where she might have put the rings. My friend thought she had put them in the pocket of the top she was wearing, only to be devastated to look and find the pocket had a hole in it.

I told her I would pray. I got on my knees and had my talk with Jesus. I reminded Him that I knew how much he cared for people and their feelings. I visualized the little children climbing up onto His lap. I saw Him weeping with his friends over the death of Lazarus. I told Him how my friend was doing this good deed in His name, and how He had made us with the emotions that we have, and how much those rings meant to her because they were gifts from her husband of over 40 years. And I asked Him to let the rings be found QUICKLY.

She looked everywhere. She finally had to tell her husband, and he looked as well. She remembered that on the way back from taking the teenager home, she stopped at Subway to pick up sandwiches, so she called the store this morning to ask if by any chance the rings had turned up there. NOTHING.

But I KNEW the rings would be found. After an hour or so I even told my husband that I couldn't believe that my friend hadn't called me yet to tell me. It was one of those times when I just knew the prayer would be answered and while I thought about it, I wasn't wringing my hands or doubting at all.

Now, I need to tell you it has been snowing here last night and today. Probably two inches worth. Quite enough to cover up a couple of diamond rings that had fallen from a pocket with a hole in it into a parking lot of a Subway store. But my friend had an overwhelming urge to get in her car, drive a couple miles, and go look. A car was parked in the same spot where she had parked last night. She got out of her car and went and looked. There were the rings, about 8 inches apart, right where they had fallen and they had not been run over or touched.

Really, she shouldn't have gone by herself! She ran into the store, eyes swollen from crying and clutching her rings. To the kids who were working, she said, "I'm the lady who called you and asked about my rings!" Then she opened up her hands and showed them. One of the kids said something like "wow, those are worth something! where did you find them?" and she told them. As she was leaving, she turned around and said, "I just wanted you to know there IS a God, and He told me to come here, and I found my rings!"

Then she called me. As soon as I saw her name in the caller ID I knew she found the rings. I told her I had no doubt she would find them and was waiting for her call! Now that alone is a gift from God. Faith is a gift...not something we can muster up on our own.

God gave me the gift of faith to believe, and once again I am humbled to remember that He is FOR us. Why do we ever doubt?

This isn't about rings. My friend would even tell you that. This is about the everlasting love that a Father has for His children. For whatever reason, sometimes we just need to be reminded in a vivid way that He is THERE, and that He cares deeply for us. My faith has just been enlarged. Has yours? Oh friend, rejoice with me today!

My little Italian Grandma...

I was unbelievably blessed with two awesome Grandmas. Today I will write about "Little Grandma" as she was affectionately called. I am only 5 feet tall, and she came up to about my shoulders. She was born in Sicily on June 4, 1900, which means she would be 110 years old today if she was still living. As it was, Grandma made it to to age 93 in this life, and basically living independently until her final months.

This is the only family photo which shows my grandparents with all of their children. It was taken in 1934. My dad is on the far left; next to him is his brother, Anthony, who died at age 21; next to Anthony is brother Jacob, who died at 15. The remaining six children all survived into late adulthood and four are still living today. Grandma had just turned 17 when she married Grandpa, and she had all these children before she was 34 years old.

Grandma's name was Josephine and my family lived next door to her and Grandpa until I was 11 years old. Then we moved to a bigger house, but only 3 blocks away.

Between our houses was a home made concrete path that went through my grandparents' huge garden. I was free to come and go as I pleased, and Grandma's door was never locked. But there was something sacred about their home and I think it was all the praying that went on there. Grandma was a little hard of hearing, so she didn't know how many times I would walk in her house and find her on her knees, either beside her bed, or in front of the living room couch. In later years, when she lived in a smaller house and I would drive over to visit unexpectedly, I would bang on the door but she couldn't hear me, so I would look in the window and see her just praying away while sitting in her chair.

My grandparents didn't drive, so our family always took them to church. Those were the days before seatbelts and as many as 10 of us would pile into our station wagon, the smaller ones sitting on the laps of the adults. Grandma always carried Chicklets gum in her purse, and we kids couldn't wait to get on her lap and ask for some.

I often maneuvered to get invited to Grandma's for lunch on Sundays after church, because she always had a big pot of spaghetti sauce bubbling on the stove, usually with some chicken pieces in it. My grandparents always prayed both before and after their meals, and they also used little cards with scripture verses on them which were read before every meal.

Grandma may have been little in stature, but she was a no-nonsense, capable woman who raised eight children who were all born at home. She cooked, cleaned, gardened, canned, sewed, and did all the other things a homemaker did in those days. She was generous with her produce from the garden and her fruit trees through the years of the Great Depression, never turning a beggar away. She kept the household running in spite of losing two sons to diabetes within a couple of years, and without any income when my Grandpa had to go away to a sanitarium for months, suffering with TB.

When Grandma turned 90, our family had a huge birthday party for her in the church fellowship hall. Her six living children each stood up and called her blessed, sharing memories and stories. The grandchildren and great-grandchildren (and there are many) blessed her with music and other talents, and each one stood in line to give her a rose and a hug. There were many displays of her handwork and photographs, and a video playing of an interview my sister had with her to document some of her life.

I have not one single memory of my Grandma ever being anything but loving, kind, and hard working. Seems she always had an apron on, and her hair was always rolled up in a little bun in the back of her head. All I have to do, even now, is think of her and my eyes fill with tears. I miss her so much. When she was dying, I had a terrible time of letting her go. I remember the last time I saw her at the nursing home, the night before she passed. I knelt beside her bed, holding her soft little hand. I cried till there were no tears left, and prayed like I had seen her do so many times. The release finally came, and I thought of Proverbs 31:31,

"Give her the reward she has earned, and let her works bring her praise at the city gate."

I have no doubts that her soul entered the gates of heaven and I will see her again.

Being a grandma is one of the most precious blessings I have received in life. I've always wanted to be a grandma, even before my own kids were grown up. I just knew it would be something very special. When I think of grandparenting, this verse comes to my mind:

"No eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mind has conceived what God has prepared for those who love him..." I Cor. 2:9 NIV

So as I remember my little Italian Grandma today, not only do I count my blessings, but I am challenged to be the best Grandma I can be to my own sweet grandchildren. I hope someday they will be able to remember me as a Godly woman who influenced them for good, because that's how I will always remember my Grandma.

Picture from Memorial Day weekend 2010. From left: Owen (2), Deacon (4), Ethan (18 months), and Elylah (4).

Quiet Time...

How do you make time for quiet time? I hope you have time to read a post on my other blog and share some ideas. Have a fantastic, faith-filled friday my friends!

"In the morning O Lord you hear my voice. In the morning I lay my requests before you and wait in expectation." Psalm 5:3

How does Jesus get into your heart, Grandma?

I babysat the two grands yesterday. They have been so stir-crazy lately, with the Ohio winter keeping them cooped up inside the house. We've been watching too many DVDs and cartoons, I'm ashamed to admit. They haven't wanted to nap much, probably because they just aren't getting enough physical activity lately. But the groundhog saw his shadow yesterday, so six more weeks of winter...groan...

So I was pleasantly surprised when after lunch they both actually went down at the same time and slept at the same time. The little guy's nap lasted exactly 20 minutes, long enough for me to catch up with my mom on the phone. Babydoll slept for a whole hour. So 14 month old Ethan got some special one-on-one with me and seemed happier for it. When four year old Elylah got up, she seemed like a truly transformed little girl. I mean, I haven't seen her that calm since before the holidays. An hour's rest did her wonders.

We played with some toys for a little while, and then it was time to get the coats and boots on them and take them home.

While driving across town, Ethan was totally in a trance and sat quietly in the car seat happily covered with his favorite dinosaur blankey. Elylah was so cheerful I didn't want to say or do anything to break the spell. So whatever she wanted to talk about was fine with me. I asked her if she wanted to sing. Yes, she did. The song about the stable. So we sang "Away in a Manger" a couple times. Then she reminded me that it was almost Spring, and that God made all the seasons.

Out of the blue, she then posed the question with the innocense of a child: "How does Jesus get into your heart, Grandma?"

"Well," I said, "you just pray and ask Him to come in, and then He will always be with you to help you. He will never leave you. Then you tell Him you are sorry for all the bad things you have done, and He forgives you."

"But how does He get in?"

"Well, you can't see Him. He comes in by His Spirit!"

"I'm going to do that as soon as I get home."

"You can pray to Jesus anytime. He always hears you. You can pray to Him right now in the car if you want."

So I watch through my rear view mirror as I'm trying to drive. She quietly prays. "Dear Jesus, please come into my heart. I'm sorry for all the bad things that I've done."

Then she announces to me: "I saw Jesus when I was born."

"You did?"

"Yes. He knew me before I was born!"

"For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother's womb.

I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.

My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place.
When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,

your eyes saw my unformed body.
All the days ordained for me
were written in your book
before one of them came to be." Psalm 139:13-16

What an awesome privilege to witness this precious moment. What a blessing straight from God to me. So like Him to seek out His little lamb and whisper His love to her longing heart. No wonder Jesus told us we needed to become like little children.

"...the disciples came to Jesus and asked, "Who is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven?"

He called a little child and had him stand among them. And he said: "I tell you the truth, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. Therefore, whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven.

And whoever welcomes a little child like this in my name welcomes me."

Matthew 18:1-5

CORE: God with skin on...

Do you ever feel like God is relentless in His pursuit of you, opening your eyes day by day to something new, and making you realize how much more growing there is to be done in your life?

That's how I'm feeling lately. And it's a good thing.

This morning my hubby and I, and other members of our small group from church, participated in a local community outreach program called CORE - Community Outreach Resource Exchange. It is a furniture bank where folks come to get items they desperately need. CORE calls these people "neighbors".

The neighbors make an appointment and come with a voucher listing furniture items they need. These have been pre-determined through a home visit by another social agency. Everything is 100% free to these neighbors, and all items have been freely donated.

Our small group (there are 12 of us) has committed to volunteering at CORE on the 4th Saturday of each month. One of the couples in our group is extremely involved in the leadership at CORE and so that is how we became aware of it.

Basically it is a warehouse with several loading docks. Inside is a waiting room with chairs for the neighbors to sit until their names are called. Then volunteers escort the neighbors through the warehouse, looking for the things on their lists. Mattresses, bed frames, and dressers are the most desperately needed items. Some neighbors are even in danger of losing their children to foster care if they don't have these basic pieces of furniture. So what looks like a warehouse full of old and used furniture to volunteer workers like me can be a building full of hope to a neighbor in need.

My job today was really simple. I got up this morning and made several pots of coffee and put them into carafes. On our way to the warehouse, we stopped at two different donut places so I could use two coupons and purchased a couple dozen donuts. We brought styrofoam cups and napkins, cream and sugar. Another lady in our group made muffins and coffee. Together we simply greeted the neighbors as they arrived and offered them our refreshments while they were waiting. This was something new and it seemed to be a big hit. When it seemed appropriate, we made small talk with them in the waiting room to help put them more at ease.

My hubby was one of the escorts and also did his share of helping to carry furniture items out to the dock. There was a huge effort to make this all as high touch as possible, and trying to make the neighbors feel loved. In fact, before any neighbors arrived, all the volunteers held hands in a circle as a seasoned worker said one of the most heart-felt prayers I've ever heard. Then we were reminded that it might look like we are in the furniture business, but we are really in the God business.

For each of the neighbors there were two escorts. The last thing the escorts do, and the most important we were told, is pray with the neighbors before they leave with their furniture. They pray for the neighbors' continued provision, for wisdom and direction for them as they are rebuilding their lives for whatever reason.

When my older son was little one time he wanted to get in bed with us. We didn't want to start a habit of this, so we gently explained that he didn't need to be afraid in his own room, and that God was always right there with him. We've never forgotten his reply: "Yeah but I want someone with skin on!"

And that is what CORE is all about. All the volunteers being God with skin on. Not just the ones the neighbors saw today, but all those that went ahead of us...the donors of the furniture, the drivers who picked the items up, those who carried the stuff in and out of the warehouse, those who do all the paperwork.

I'm sure there is so much more that God wants to open my eyes and my heart to. I'm excited.

"...love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind, and your neighbor as yourself." Luke 10:27

our

Amazing Grace

This afternoon my (just turned) four year old granddaughter said to me, "Grandma, I'll play this horn while you sing "Amazing Grace". So she did. And I did. Priceless.

But God's amazing grace is exactly what has been on my mind for about the past 24 hours. In the midst of my own self-pity as I have been working through the family issue that has pained me so much, He has taken pity on me and picked me up and dusted me off, and set my feet back on the Solid Rock!

It never ceases to amaze me that when God takes over, things can happen really fast! In just a few short days I have gone from a lot of anger and a whole lot of other volatile emotions and sleepless nights, to a real sense of peace and trust in the One who knows me inside out.

When I started blogging about 11 months ago, I made a decision that I wanted to be "real" in what I wrote. There is a lot of power in the pen, so to speak, and I determined that I wanted the blog to be an accurate account of my "life between the buns". That doesn't mean that I feel the need to say things that would be unnecessarily hurtful to others. Sure there have probably been a few things I've said that would have been better left unsaid. But for the most part, I have tried not to just portray the mountaintop times of my life, but also record things that, if I had a choice, would not be part of my "history".

Still, the temptation is always present to put the best foot forward at all times and not to air the dirty laundry. I'm human just like everyone else, and I want people to think good things about me. I don't want them to see my struggles or my doubts.

I took a big risk when I posted about my inner turmoil over the upcoming "wedding" of my niece and her girlfriend. All kinds of questions went through my mind: How will my blogger friends react? What will they think of me now? What will my family and friends say when they read it? And perhaps the most pressing -- Why do I have to be so intense all the time???

I'm not digging for comments on this post or looking for a pat on the back. I just want a chance to say to each one of you who have commented and/or prayed for me that I felt it. I have felt it big time. And I want you to know that God has used YOU to transform me and help me regain some clear thinking. I mean it when I say I am now at peace over this whole thing. No, I still cannot support the decision of the people involved. But I am no longer thinking about me, and how this has affected me.

There is something so much bigger going on. For the first time in my life, I think I have a handle on what I've always thought to be a very difficult teaching of Jesus. It is found in Matthew 10:37-38. "Anyone who loves his father or mother more than me is not worthy of me; anyone who loves his son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me; and anyone who does not take up his cross and follow me is not worthy of me."

Conflict is an inevitable result of following Jesus Christ. The battle is between light and darkness, between eternal things and things that are temporal. The Gospel continues, "Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it." (verse 39) Jesus is simply stating that if we think that the life we live in the here and now is all there is, and we love it's (sinful) pleasures more than we love Him, all those things will eventually be lost. But if we let go of that kind of thinking and living for the sake of allegiance and obedience to Him, His perfect will, and His perfect law, we actually will discover what REAL life and living is.

In a few short days I have literally gone from praying, "Lord make this all go away--don't let it happen" to praying "Lord, change me! Work in me! Make me respond in a way that best represents YOU".

No, it's not about me at all. It's all about HIM and His amazing grace. All I have to remember is how I too once was lost, but now I'm found. I was blind, but now I see. Remembering helps me to pray for those who are still confused, hurting, lost, blind. Those who, because of continued rebellion, are still living outside of the amazing grace that is offered so freely. The grace that helps me be more concerned about their souls than about my righteous indignation.

I'm certain there will still be days ahead where the circumstances will be distressing. But I think I have more perspective now. My blogger friend, Shirley said this to me and I appreciated it so much:

"...we have to remember that all sin, including our own, is equal in the eyes of God--it is all about disobedience to Him and what He declares to be best for us. That puts all of us on a pretty level playing field..."

Amen!

Strength from the Word of God...

"My soul is weary with sorrow; strengthen me according to your word.

Keep me from deceitful ways; be gracious to me through your law.

I have chosen the way of truth; I have set my heart on your laws.

I hold fast to your statutes, O Lord; do not let me be put to shame.

I run in the path of your commands, for you have set my heart free.

Teach me, O Lord, to follow your decrees; then I will keep them to the end.

Give me understanding, and I will keep your law and obey it with all my heart.

Direct me in the path of your commands, for there I find delight.

Turn my heart toward your statutes and not toward selfish gain.

Turn my eyes away from worthless things; preserve my life according to your word.

Fulfill your promise to your servant, so that you may be feared.

Take away the disgrace I dread, for your laws are good.

How I long for your precepts! Preserve my life in your righteousness."

Psalm 119:28-40

cancer scare...

I've been challenged by Shirley over at Sketches of a Common Life (www.sketchesofacommonlife.com) to blog about a time when I thought the world had ended for me, but I ended up having a "butterfly" experience. There are several of these times in my life, but one I haven't blogged about before is the time I thought I was dying of cancer. I tread into this area knowing full well that my experience is "nothing" compared to what some folks have endured, and that for so many, their stories didn't turn out the way mine did. However I hope and pray that by telling it, that God will be glorified and that someone may be blessed and challenged in some way. It is what it is.

I never had an easy time in the monthly "female" department, each month bringing a lot of physical pain and emotional turmoil. I do have a pretty high pain tolerance and I just accepted this as "normal", thinking all along that every woman had this to deal with each month. So back in May of 1997 when I was experiencing the monthly "curse" I didn't think too much of it, except that this time, it was pain beyond anything I'd ever had before, and I could barely stand, and it didn't let up. I had some other symptoms that didn't go away. I called the doctor and that started a series of check ups, tests, and scans...

I am not a medical person and I really don't remember all the different procedures that were done on me over a period of weeks. At one point it was determined I had an ovarian cyst the size of a baseball. I had several CA-125 blood tests, which can point to ovarian cancer with elevated numbers. A normal number is 35 or below. My numbers were running over 1200.

I was 48 at the time, and I had been looking forward to going through menopause "naturally"...I had even read a couple books on the subject because I didn't want to be taking hormone therapy, and I certainly did not want a hysterectomy. But after a period of time, I was told I had no choice, and that I needed to undergo surgery. The plan was for tissue to be frozen and tested while I was still under anesthesia, and a cancer team would be standing by to do some special procedures if the biopsy came back positive for ovarian cancer.

This all sounds so dry and clinical now. But at the time our two sons were 13 and 17 years old. There was a three week wait before my surgery date. I read everything I could about ovarian cancer, and discovered that by the time there are any real symptoms, a woman could be in a late stage.

The earth stood still for me. I was facing a very real possibility that I could die before my kids graduated from high school. One day as I was dropping clothes into the washing machine, I burst into tears, wondering if someone else would be doing this for my family in the near future. I felt tremendous guilt thinking what I might be putting my husband through financially and emotionally. We agreed not to tell our kids what we were dealing with until we really knew for sure.

I needed spiritual strength like I never needed it before. I shared the situation with Christians who I knew would pray for me. I spent warm summer days sitting on the deck, reading the Scriptures and praying. Praying a lot. I went through a process of thinking of anyone I might be at odds with, and I called them or wrote them notes. I searched my heart and found forgiveness for anyone I could think of who had ever offended me. I found peace. The most unbelievable peace I've ever known. I discovered an intimacy with God like none I had ever experienced before, or since. I was not afraid to die. My husband and I talked a lot and prayed a lot, and we both felt we were ready to face whatever the future held, because our trust was totally in the Lord.

One day shortly before the surgery, a Christian woman called me on the phone. She told me that God had woken her up in the middle of the night and layed it on her heart to pray for me. She got on her knees beside her bed and prayed. She shared with me some Scriptures that had been impressed on her. I can't explain it, but I felt like I was totally "covered". I asked the Lord to heal me and promised that when I was on the other side of all of this, I would stand up in my church and tell everyone what He had done for me.

Finally the day of surgery arrived. I had a slight dip in my emotions as they were wheeling me away, and I told my husband "I'm sorry to put you through this." When I woke up in my hospital room, about a dozen family members were standing all around my bed. My husband said to me, "you are fine." All I could say was, "you wouldn't lie to me, would you?" He just laughed. I was still groggy. But I later found out that even before they were finished with me, the doctor came out to tell my waiting husband that the biopsy showed no sign of cancer. The medical people were all amazed. So much so, that the head of the oncology department came to see me the next day, saying she just HAD to meet the lady who didn't have cancer. She said they were all ready for me because they were positive that I did. I told her I had a lot of people praying for me. She said, "I've seen that before!"

I still needed a followup CA-125 test to see what was going on with the numbers. I prayed and asked the Lord to convince everyone with certainty that there was no question of my status. So a couple weeks later the test was repeated. The number was 10. God again answered prayer. I recovered very quickly from the surgery, and within about two weeks I felt better than I had in a long time.

I did become a fool for the Lord one Sunday morning not long afterwards when a contemporary worship group within our mainline denomination church had the opportunity to format the entire service. I told my entire story to the congregation. I had also invited family members and friends to come and hear the testimony.

I've been a believer in Jesus Christ for over 50 years, since I was a child, and yet I know that something definitely happened to me through this experience that has changed me forever. I have absolutely no fear of death. I have total trust in the goodness of the Lord. I know my faith has been tried by fire and it stands. There is no turning back, no doubting. I know I am loved by God in a very personal way. Scriptures are more alive to me than ever. I am more sensitive to struggles that others are going through. I am more willing and happy to pray for them. I know without a single doubt that I am eternally secure and have a blessed future that awaits me when my earthly life is over. Even though I sin and fall short over and over, I know with certainty that God has already forgiven me, and loves me with an everlasting love. I know that nothing can separate me from Him. I know that He has a purpose for my life even if I can't see it clearly myself; I can trust Him to work it out. I live my life in gratitude and I can face the future with confidence because I know Who holds my future. I know that none of this is because of anything good I have ever done, but only because of the grace of God that has been shed abroad in my heart.

I guess I never really thought of it as a "butterfly experience" but I was definitely changed!

"But as for me, I will always have hope; I will praise you more and more. My mouth will tell of your righteousness, of your salvation all day long, though I know not its measure. I will come and proclaim your mighty acts, O Sovereign Lord; I will proclaim your righteousness, yours alone. Since my youth, O God, you have taught me, and to this day I declare your marvelous deeds. Even when I am old and gray, do not forsake me, O God, till I declare your power to the next generation, your might to all who are to come." Psalm 71:14-18 NIV