Dear blogger friends, all...

Especially to Shirley, Brenda, Jess, Rose, Patrina, Rebecca, Wanda, Pat & Jamey who took the time to comment on my last post. I thank you all for those heartfelt thoughts and words. I appreciate each and every one of you and I felt like we were all sitting around a table, enjoying coffee and conversation. (Oh if that would ever be possible, how wonderful would that be!)

I do not consider blogger friendships to be "virtual" because they are really real! We may not have met in person, but we have shared our days and parts of our real lives with each other. When my hubby and I took a day trip recently to Northwest Ohio, I knew I was very close to Rebecca's stomping grounds, for example, and she was on my mind throughout that day! God can use methods we can't even conceive of to brighten our days and bless us in so many little ways. And blogger friendships have blessed me more than I can even begin to describe.

I thank you all for giving me "permission" to prioritize my days as I need to without having to feel like a failure for not keeping up with blogging the way my heart would take me if I let it run wild!

I never thought it would be like this when I got into my '60's...But my husband still works a full-time job an hour from home, which translates into 12 hour days for him, and precious little time for us to share on a daily basis.

As you know, I have the two grandchildren here 3 days a week. I don't try to do much of anything else when they are here except fully devote myself to them. From comments I have heard from those of you whose grands have grown up already, I'm getting the picture that grandparenting is much like parenting in the respect that those precious formative years are fleeting, and I want to make the most of every minute I have with them.

With part of our family living in South Carolina, we are constantly looking to the "next" time we can be together...which it looks like my daughter-in-love will bring the boys up here around Memorial Day! So more busyness coming up, but I will live intentionally through every moment of it and savor it like, uh, sweet tea!

My mom, who is 81 now, is facing more challenges as she continues to deal with widowhood, macular degeneration, forgetfulness, an increasing number of doctor appointments, and frustration at not being able to drive any longer. A good chunk of my time now goes to helping her get around. I'm grateful I am in a position to do this for her in spite of the physical and emotional components that go along with looking out for aging parents. Someone told me recently that "you'll never regret anything you do for your parents" and I know I feel that way about my dad, who has been gone for two years now. It is such a blessing not to have to live with regrets.

So it all brings me back to where I started originally with this blog: my life in the sandwich generation! While some have told me I don't "have" a life, I prefer to say, "this IS my life." And I thank you one and all for sharing it with me. God bless you!

Another life transition, giving up on driving

A few weeks ago my mom made a very difficult decision. She has been struggling with macular degeneration for quite some time, receiving treatments every six weeks in a desperate effort to slow the disease, without a whole lot of success. Earlier this year, she wasn't able to pass the State of Ohio's eye exam to renew her driver's license, and she waited a while, then tried again. Much to my dismay, she eventually was able to gain a renewal.

Mom is past 80, but a very independent and very active person. She could not imagine being without the ability to get up and go whenever she pleased. Even though she hasn't driven on the highways for years, and never ventured too far from home when driving, she wanted to be free to drive around town to go to church, or to the grocery store, or to a friend's house.

Since Dad died a year and a half ago, mom has had to do things she never worried about before. She had to learn how to write checks and pay bills, balance the checkbook, do the banking, and learn how to budget finances. She went through major surgery this summer without dad by her side. She took a couple vacations with her grown children instead of with her spouse. She purchased a grave headstone for the both of them and has begun saving for her own funeral expenses. Life started becoming one new transition after another. It hasn't been easy, but she has adjusted so much better than any of us could have imagined.

Then came the big bump in the road: holding onto those car keys. The dread of every grown son or daughter whose parent should no longer be driving. None of us were prepared to have a major confrontation with mom. But we began to see the little tell-tale signs that she needed to give up driving. We all tried in our own way to persuade her to think about it. We assured her we would all be there for her and help her with her errands, appointments, etc. No amount of talking about it worked.

I did everything I possibly could to drive her around. Every day I checked to see if she needed anything, letting her know I was going to "be in her neighborhood anyway" whether I was or not. Most of the time it worked. But every once in a while when I called she wasn't home, and she would be out running an errand on her own. Mom hated to ask for help from anyone, even though she is the first person to help someone else.

Then one Sunday a couple weeks ago, mom called me. She had driven herself the couple miles to her church, and on the way home she didn't see a car she should have seen, and nearly had an accident. It was so stressful for her to even get home that she made the decision right then and there. She called my brother-in-law to come get her car as he had agreed to sell it for her. She hasn't driven since.

I'm proud of my mom for making this really difficult decision, even though I wish it had been months earlier. It's got to be really hard. It's one more loss in her life, and I'm sure it must seem to her like she is losing her independence. I'm so grateful that she didn't have to have an accident and hurt herself or someone else before she made the right choice.

What's really hard for me is not that I'm driving mom around more but my own acceptance that this is one more indication that she is aging. When we are young we just assume our parents will always be there for us. I never imagined being where I am now in my life, with the tables turning and now I'm the one watching her closely to see that she has her condo key, to make sure she doesn't leave her purse in the grocery cart, holding her arm as we walk so she doesn't stumble on cracks in the sidewalk.

I thank God for every day I have left in this life with my mom. She has seen me through a lot and now it's my turn to be there for her.

Here's mom with her eighth and newest great-grandchild, born this year

"Children's children are a crown to the aged, and parents are the pride of their children." Proverbs 17:6