Help my unbelief!

Something has healed in me.   As I sat in church this past Sunday morning, it was just one of those times when God broke through and touched something deep inside.  

Being as old as I am and having been in the church my entire life, there are some things about being a Christian that I take for granted.  I know God is everywhere and is able to do anything.  I know Jesus paid an awful cost to seal my redemption.  I know there is an eternity beyond this life and though much of that is a mystery, I rest in knowing I will be there and it will be good.  

If I'm honest, I also know there is a lot about God that my heart just doesn't fully comprehend, claim, or appropriate.  In my mind, Christianity is a package deal, and I'm sold.  When I read the words of Scripture, I know every one is trustworthy and true.  But somehow there are still truths and promises that I block my soul from fully receiving.  Why, I do not know.  I have no trouble claiming them for others.  I have a sneaky suspicion I may not be alone in this.

But as I was worshipping last Sunday, the familiar 23rd Psalm came to my mind.  And this is how the words played:

"The Lord is MY Shepherd, I~SHALL~NOT~WANT" 
"He maketh ME to lie down in green pastures"
"He restoreth MY soul"
"He leadeth ME in the paths of righteousness..."

on and on and finally...

"Surely GOODNESS and MERCY shall follow ME... ALL~THE~DAYS~OF~MY~LIFE..."

Friends, I've been living in the valley for a while now.  It's so easy to become discouraged when I'm feeling weak, tired and worn out by the storms of life.  Circumstances these past months have taken me almost to the breaking point at times when I've allowed myself to indulge in self-pity and worry.  With my head I fully have known there are so many others in much dire life situations, yet my heart still cried out "how much longer, Lord?  How many more roller coaster rides before things normalize again?"

Don't get me wrong.  The temptation to look at circumstances and fall into a sea of despair is still there.  I don't see any hard evidence our economy is getting any better.  Every time I turn around it seems someone else I know has lost their job~and all too often it seems that older employees have a target on their backs.  It's easy to lose hope...

unless..

we turn our focus back to the One who is all about goodness and mercy, and take hold of the truth of His Word.  That's where hope is found.  Thank you God for reminding me again.

"Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already arrived at my goal, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me." ~Philippians 3:12

Creating Margin...

I know I have written on this subject before.  A couple times in fact.  (Click the label "margin" on my other blog if interested.)  Today I find myself reassessing once again.  My body and soul have been screaming for rest and restoration for weeks now.  Why is this such a constant, life-long battle?  I have no idea how the month of April has arrived when a basket of Christmas cards still sits on an end table in the family room.  Yet a fourth of the new year is already gone, and I find myself worrying the entire year will slip away without my feeling that I have lived it intentionally.

I've been doing a lot of soul-searching (again).  Why is there such disparity between what I know in my head to be true and what my heart longs for, and what my life really looks like if I am honest?  When left to my own devices I can sure make a mess of things and push myself till I am worn out physically and my body aches from head to toe.  Not only that, but emotionally I am ragged and lose my sense of humor and begin to think not of how to make the most of each day but more along the lines of how I can just get through it.  Spiritually I let myself get depleted as well during these times to the point it is hard to stay awake long enough to do any real praying or bible reading, things that I know would nourish my weary soul.

I came across this quote on the sidebar of Rebecca's blog and it has really grabbed me today:

"We simplify, not just to be less busy, even though we may be right to pursue that.  Rather, we simplify to remove distractions from our pursuit of Christ.  We prune activities from our lives, not only to get organized, but also that our devotion to Christ and service for His kingdom will be more fruitful.  We simplify, not merely to save time, but to eliminate hindrances to the time we devote to knowing Christ.  All the reasons we simplify should eventually lead us to Jesus Christ!" (Donald S. Whitney, Simplify Your Spiritual Life)

It's a hard thing to think that perhaps I am living my life with misplaced motives.  Do I struggle in this area because I merely want to save time and be more organized?  Because I want to do good deeds?  Or, even more dreadfully, because I want people to like me?  "For me to live is Christ..." say Paul in Philippians 1:21.  Does my life look anything like His?

Last night I lay in bed, contemplating what I might do to get a grip again.  I thought of all the things that I want to be a part of my life.  I think I will begin by making a list of those things and taking a hard look at them, and then examining my motives.  I know in my heart that there are many good things with which to fill my days, but I need to determine what are those things that God has ordained for me from before the foundation of the earth?  Have you ever honestly asked yourself that question?

The Amplified Bible says it this way in Ephesians 2:10:

"For we are God's own handiwork, His workmanship, recreated in Christ Jesus (born anew), that we may do those good works which God predestined (planned beforehand) for us, taking paths which He prepared ahead of time, that we should walk in them, living the good life which He prearranged and made ready for us to live."

It is such a comfort to know that God himself has preplanned a good life for us to live when we choose the paths that He has prepared for us.  What are you doing to discover what specific good works God has prepared for you to walk in?  What do you do to regain balance when you feel things are getting out of control?

spiritual battles and the beauty of holiness

I had a really "down" day yesterday. I spent it alone in my house and with barely the energy to do basic tasks I needed to get done. My enemy Satan was busy accusing me all day long, whispering his deceitful lies, reminding me how ungodly I really am, how often I fail in my commitment to live for Jesus. I really haven't had this fierce of a spiritual battle for a long time. It was one of those days you want to look to the sky and scream, "Where ARE you, God??"

I knew what the problem was. I was feeling quite alone in the stand I have taken regarding the moral issue going on in my family. Today is the day of the "celebration" that my husband and I declined to attend. I've posted about it twice already, and not without some consequences.

I remembered a Bible story from the Old Testament (II Chronicles 20) where King Jehoshaphat realized Judah was about to be beseiged by massive foreign armies that he felt powerless to face. Being a king who feared the Lord, he called for a day of national fasting and prayer. Jehoshaphat himself led the prayers in front of the Lord's temple. The Lord's Spirit then empowered a priest to speak forth this message of hope and encouragement:

"Listen, all Judah and inhabitants of Jerusalem and King Jehoshaphat: Thus says the LORD to you, 'Do not be afraid and do not be dismayed at this great horde, for the battle is not yours but God’s. Tomorrow go down against them. Behold, they will come up by the ascent of Ziz. You will find them at the end of the valley, east of the wilderness of Jeruel. You will not need to fight in this battle. Stand firm, hold your position, and see the salvation of the LORD on your behalf, O Judah and Jerusalem. Do not be afraid and do not be dismayed. Tomorrow go out against them, and the LORD will be with you." (verses 15-17)

The people believed and were so encouraged that the next morning singers when out before the army, in the beauty of holiness we are told, boldly declaring,

"Give thanks to the LORD,
for his steadfast love endures forever." (verse 21)

As it ended up, when the men of Judah went out to meet the enemy, all they needed to do was to stand still and watch what God would do for them. The Lord caused so much confusion among the enemy troops that they turned and fought each other until they were all slaughtered. And there was so much plunder, the men of Judah couldn't even carry it all away. They returned home and continued to worship God, and Jehoshaphat continued to reign in peace.

Last night my husband and I had a chance to be with some godly friends who encouraged us to stand strong in what we already knew to be truth. We talked about the holiness of God and we wondered together how we could stake our lives on believing Him and His Word and not stand for what He stands for. Obviously, we can't.

What makes His holiness something beautiful? God's holiness, for one thing, is light. It is good, sacred, timeless, worthy of praise. And it is love in it's purest form, love that endures forever. When His Word tells us to be holy, because He is holy, (I Peter 1:16) it is because He wants all those beautiful things for us as well. Throughout our lifelong sanctification process, God provides the power to carry out the command.

God reminded me yesterday of the story of King Jehoshaphat and how the battle was not his to fight, but the Lord's. He does not leave us fighting these spiritual battles all alone. I woke up this morning thinking about the beauty of holiness. God is for us, He really is. His laws are perfect and just and righteous altogether. And they are for our ultimate good. As believers, we have no reason to feel we are alone... there are times when we just have to stand still, and watch to see what God will do as He fights our battles for us.