Another life transition, giving up on driving

A few weeks ago my mom made a very difficult decision. She has been struggling with macular degeneration for quite some time, receiving treatments every six weeks in a desperate effort to slow the disease, without a whole lot of success. Earlier this year, she wasn't able to pass the State of Ohio's eye exam to renew her driver's license, and she waited a while, then tried again. Much to my dismay, she eventually was able to gain a renewal.

Mom is past 80, but a very independent and very active person. She could not imagine being without the ability to get up and go whenever she pleased. Even though she hasn't driven on the highways for years, and never ventured too far from home when driving, she wanted to be free to drive around town to go to church, or to the grocery store, or to a friend's house.

Since Dad died a year and a half ago, mom has had to do things she never worried about before. She had to learn how to write checks and pay bills, balance the checkbook, do the banking, and learn how to budget finances. She went through major surgery this summer without dad by her side. She took a couple vacations with her grown children instead of with her spouse. She purchased a grave headstone for the both of them and has begun saving for her own funeral expenses. Life started becoming one new transition after another. It hasn't been easy, but she has adjusted so much better than any of us could have imagined.

Then came the big bump in the road: holding onto those car keys. The dread of every grown son or daughter whose parent should no longer be driving. None of us were prepared to have a major confrontation with mom. But we began to see the little tell-tale signs that she needed to give up driving. We all tried in our own way to persuade her to think about it. We assured her we would all be there for her and help her with her errands, appointments, etc. No amount of talking about it worked.

I did everything I possibly could to drive her around. Every day I checked to see if she needed anything, letting her know I was going to "be in her neighborhood anyway" whether I was or not. Most of the time it worked. But every once in a while when I called she wasn't home, and she would be out running an errand on her own. Mom hated to ask for help from anyone, even though she is the first person to help someone else.

Then one Sunday a couple weeks ago, mom called me. She had driven herself the couple miles to her church, and on the way home she didn't see a car she should have seen, and nearly had an accident. It was so stressful for her to even get home that she made the decision right then and there. She called my brother-in-law to come get her car as he had agreed to sell it for her. She hasn't driven since.

I'm proud of my mom for making this really difficult decision, even though I wish it had been months earlier. It's got to be really hard. It's one more loss in her life, and I'm sure it must seem to her like she is losing her independence. I'm so grateful that she didn't have to have an accident and hurt herself or someone else before she made the right choice.

What's really hard for me is not that I'm driving mom around more but my own acceptance that this is one more indication that she is aging. When we are young we just assume our parents will always be there for us. I never imagined being where I am now in my life, with the tables turning and now I'm the one watching her closely to see that she has her condo key, to make sure she doesn't leave her purse in the grocery cart, holding her arm as we walk so she doesn't stumble on cracks in the sidewalk.

I thank God for every day I have left in this life with my mom. She has seen me through a lot and now it's my turn to be there for her.

Here's mom with her eighth and newest great-grandchild, born this year

"Children's children are a crown to the aged, and parents are the pride of their children." Proverbs 17:6

A personal relationship with God?

I've been around "Christianese" my entire life and I've learned the language. You know, the ways that Christians talk to each other, with certain catch phrases that are understood only within the context of like minded folks. People outside of Christianity, or even those outside of certain Christian denominations are usually totally clueless when those speaking Christianese start throwing commonly used phrases around. Some that come to mind:

*set this place on fire*

*die to self*

*move of the Spirit*

*attack of the enemy*

*led by God*

*love offering*

*covered by the blood*

While all of these phrases and hundreds more like them are based on real truths found in the Bible, unless one is familiar with their meanings, they are totally confusing and meaningless, and in fact sound downright weird.

Once my husband and I were visiting an elderly orthodox Jewish lady, a Holocaust survivor, a feisty lady who was always up for a good debate. She point blank asked us, "what do you people (referring to the fact we are Christians) mean by born again?" My husband promptly said "I'm glad you asked that question" and proceeded to tell her the biblical story of the man in the Gospels who asked that same question of Jesus. A prime example of a commonly used Christian phrase that was totally meaningless to someone on the "outside".

Another phrase that Christians use a lot is this one: "It's not about religion--it's about relationship" which might be spoken to someone who desires to know more about God, or to know God in a meaningful way but they have been trapped in religious traditions or teachings that might be based on a "good works orientation" which has left them always striving to be "good enough" to approach God and has not freed them to have an intimate personal relationship with their Creator.

This past week I've been thinking about what exactly does it mean to have a personal relationship with God?

In the first place, this relationship was intended by Him from the beginning. We were created by Him and for Him, and in His own image. He knew our name even before He created the foundations of the earth. Amazing, but true. He even knew the plans He had for us as individuals, from what would be our family of origin, to what specific gifts and talents we would have. His plan from the beginning was to have fellowship with His created beings in an intimate way and to provide for our every need.

We know this intimacy was broken way back in the garden, when Adam and Eve chose to disregard God's best way, and thought they could choose their own. Sin entered the world, and mankind has been sorrowfully struggling ever since.

As Christians, we believe that Jesus Christ was sent from God to live the holy life we could never live, and die the death that we deserved. All to restore us to a relationship with God...a personal intimate relationship with One who knows us better than we know ourselves.

Through Jesus, God became approachable. Our broken relationship with our Creator can be restored. We can fellowship with Him intimately. He's not "the man upstairs" or some other vague "higher power" but He is our Father who desires for us to get to know Him and His ways.

A friend of mine, someone who is fun to be around even though our beliefs do not line up with each other's, recently posted a note on Facebook telling of her take on "religion". While she says some nice things, such as "gratitude is a way to put a smile on God's face", she doesn't believe in the written revelation of God, what we call The Bible. She is correct though, when she says that no one can "prove" their beliefs are the "right" ones. That's why Christianity is all about "faith". Faith is what we believe in even though we can't always prove it or see it.

Christianity is the only religion where God reaches out to man to restore relationship with Himself. All other religions are about man trying to reach God by "doing" something that might please Him. Christianity says "while you were still an enemy, God provided a way to save you."

Do you have a personal relationship with God? You may come to Him because He has already provided the way. Jesus is the door. Come in! When He calls you, won't you say, "here I am"?

Christian, let's all be more careful when we throw around phrases that those who don't know our Savior may find confusing. May our speech by clear and always pointing to the cross. There's enough static and confusion in our world already. May we heed Paul's instructions:

"Devote yourselves to prayer, being watchful and thankful. And pray for us, too, that God may open a door for our message, so that we may proclaim the mystery of Christ, for which I am in chains. Pray that I may proclaim it clearly, as I should. Be wise in the way you act toward outsiders; make the most of every opportunity. Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone." Colossians 4:2-6

Deacon sings his Z to A's

Here is my grandson, Deacon, age 3 3/4. He's been doing this since he was about 2 1/2 years old. Can you do it?

Actually when you think about it, what's the difference in learning the alphabet song backwards or forwards, if you didn't KNOW it was supposed to be forwards?

Humm, I bet there is a sermon in here somewhere!

Enjoy!

Please meet my friend, Amy

Amy is one of my newer, younger friends. I met her through friends who have known Amy all her life. I'm so happy that our paths have crossed, as Amy is one of those rare people we get to know in life who bless us with their sweet spirit and zeal for living.

Amy grew up in a town next door to mine. She's now a graduate student at nearby Kent State University and lives in a dorm there. She has found her passion, children's library science, and is working hard on her master's degree. She's already written her first book and just needs to get it illustrated and published.

As exuberant as she is and as much as she sparkles, Amy has had some challenges in her life that most of us will never know anything about. When she was just very young, she was diagnosed with cerebral palsy. Most of her life she has been in a wheel chair. She will be the first to tell you how fortunate she is to have a loving family who have cared for her needs and challenged her to develop her skills and talents. In fact, Amy's mom is a special education teacher, so she has unique insights and gifts that have undoubtedly helped tremendously.

In the past few years, Amy has been attending our church with our mutual friends, (Hudson Community Chapel, www.hudsonchapel.org). She has chosen, as a young adult, to become a follower of Jesus Christ, and she desired to be baptized now that she has come to a living Christian faith of her own. This event happened on September 20 of this year. Because Amy desires to share with others how God has worked in her life, she was agreeable to my posting her personal testimony, which she gave to a large congregation that day, as well as some pictures.

Amy's testimony:

Hi, my name is Amy Price.

I’m a 24 year old Master’s student at Kent State. I come from one of THE MOST loving families in the world. I haven’t seen the whole world, but anyone who knows us observes the same. My parents were raised in households which practiced opposite faiths. Before having children, they agreed practicing religion would be the choice of the child. Our motto, “Treat others the way I want to be treated!”

I grew up knowing the unconditional love of my family and friends, but still imposing a standard of perfectionism upon myself, I’d think, I know my family loves me, but I don’t know why!

In 2007, I was invited to HCC. I did not know what to expect, but was encouraged remembering a conversation my mom had with me years ago. She told me that as a teacher she sees God in the face of her Special Education students daily. The words of Singer Johnny Diaz became more clear with each visit here to HCC. Johnny reminds us all: “You were made to fill a purpose only you can do! There can never be a more beautiful you!!

After 4 months of attending regularly, I asked to be involved in the Children’s Ministry. One can learn so much through the eyes of a child! Before I started helping, I asked Jesus into my heart; if I tell kids, “Trust GOD NO MATTER WHAT!” I SHOULD KNOW THE SAME JOY!

Since I’ve known Christ, I realize faith is trust and relationship with him, not worry and ritual. I choose to be baptized today to declare publicly, Jesus is my Savior!

Amy reading her testimony during the Sunday morning baptismal service

Just before being baptized, Pastor Paul Wides prays for Amy

Pastor Joe Coffey with Amy after the service

Amy's life long friends, Barbara and Michael Ammirati

Larry Reynolds murder case update...

This is a brief update to two previous posts, one August 18, 2009 "Capital Murder Case" and the other September 16, 2009 "More on the Murder Case".

The execution of Larry Reynolds that was scheduled for October 8, 2009 has been postponed until next spring by the State of Ohio due to a recent botched execution attempt by lethal injection in another death row case.

I guess I just want to go on record here to say that I have found the peace about this sentence that I needed. If you have never served on a jury in a case like this, you really have no idea of the stress and all the mental and emotional sorting out that you have to do, all the soul-searching and praying and all the sleepless nights. To say nothing of the long days of sitting in a jury box listening to gory testimony and seeing photographs that should never have to be seen of someone's mother, grandmother, daughter, doing your civic duty while your heart just aches to be home with your own young children.

Both 15 years ago when I served on the jury, and more recently as the execution date neared, I sought spiritual counsel from a trusted pastor. My conflict, of course, was that I am a pro-life person. I totally believe in the sanctity of human life. And I had to reconcile that belief with how I feel about the death penalty in a murder case.

What I have come to understand is this: The death penalty really upholds the idea of how sacred human life is to God. When one intentionally takes the life of another, the only just penalty is for him to forfeit his own. I hope that one sentence might help someone else who struggles with how they feel about the death penalty. I know that others do not agree with my conclusion. Like I said, I have found peace in it. And I believe it is God's peace. I can rest in it.

That said, I also want to say that I find no pleasure in the circus-like atmosphere that often attends high-profile executions. That is a sad commentary on our society and only serves to undermine what is being done.

While I personally feel that 15 years or more is way too long for a sentence to be imposed, I am glad our judicial system allows time for appeals and hearings so that there hopefully will be no mistake made. Unfortunately we all know this has happened.

As far as the Reynolds case goes, God has His own timing in mind. He is working all things out for good, even in this situation. In the past few months, I have been put in touch with a relative of the victim. For 15 years she has been angry and consumed in her grief and loss. I was able to tell her that she will continue to be a victim of Larry Reynolds long after he is executed if she kept herself on this path of anger and bitterness. I'm not free to go into the details, but something happened recently and this relative of the victim has now softened her heart toward the murderer's family and sees their own torment and loss...and she is also praying that Reynolds himself might come to repentance before his next execution date. Did you catch that? The victim's relative is praying for the person who murdered her loved one. God is at work.

"And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:7

"...think about such things..."

"...whatever is true,

whatever is noble,

whatever is right,

whatever is pure,

whatever is lovely,

whatever is admirable--

if anything is excellent or praiseworthy--

think about such things...

and the God of peace will be with you."

Philippians 4:8 NIV

This verse has been on my mind all week long, and for good reason. Sometimes life just gets a bit heavy and we just need to stop; we just need to get back to our center--and think about all that is good. Sometimes we just need the peace of God to be with us.

This past week in particular I have learned of so many very serious needs just within my own close circle of friendships--needs that I have been praying about daily. And not even counting the many needs I've read about on the blogs I've visited. While I do believe we are called to help bear one another's burdens, we also need to guard our hearts at the same time so that we don't get bogged down into a mire of negative thinking which can lead to unproductive living. For my part, I'm trying to do a little tweaking here and there in my life so as not to be tossed back and forth by the waves and blown here and there by every wind.

One thing that really helps me is being careful of what I fill my mind with. What wonderful instructions St. Paul left us with, as quoted above. By following this directive alone, we would be well on our way to renewing our minds which in turn makes us more able to discern what we really are supposed to be doing with our lives.

Here are a few of the areas I have identified that tend to "pull me down" instead of "build me up" in my spirit and attitude:

*watching too much of the evening news*

It was getting to the point where my husband and I were sitting in our chairs, night after night in front of the TV, and getting more and more upset at things we really have no, or little, control over. When you hear false or negative things being repeated over and over again, one of two things tends to happen. Either you start believing them, or you are in a constant state of being upset over something you can't do much about. So we have chosen to pretty much leave the TV turned off. We only have a few precious hours together in the evenings, and this just wasn't a good way to be spending them. It makes no sense to fill our minds with all the negative things going on in the world, and then try to go to bed and have peaceful, renewing sleep. duh.

*reading too much of the newspaper*

This was an area where I was more of a die-hard. My dad always read the local newspaper from cover to cover each day, and wouldn't put it down until he had completed the cross word puzzle. My mother-in-law is the same way...she even reads the stock pages. So we always subscribed to the paper and we were interested in keeping up with the local news. But here again, the papers today do much more than report the news. They have gotten to be political and social battering rams, and tend to be extremely biased in reporting or even "creating" news. We were finding that more and more, we were taking a paid-for-but-unread newspaper out to the recycling bin. Not too smart, is it?

One day last January I read a national award-winning local community commentator's column because it had been brought to my attention at a ladies bible study. The title of the column was "In defense of internet pornography". Say what? I read the column twice because I couldn't believe it. On the community page of our local newspaper, this guy was actually giving "facts" to argue that sex crimes have gone down due to the proliferation of internet pornography and the like. Without going too far down a rabbit trail here, we personally know several families whose lives and careers have been decimated because of internet pornography. There is nothing good that comes of it. I had an email exchange with this journalist that went back and forth but got nowhere. We ended up canceling our 30+ year subscription to that paper. More space in my brain was freed up to be filled with things that are lovely instead. We decided to send the amount of money we were paying for the paper to a local Christian counseling center.

*not paying close attention to what I'm reading on the internet*

It goes without saying (hopefully!) that you can't believe everything you read on the internet. Or that just because it is accessible, it is helpful or good for you to read. This includes blogs! Being a fairly new blogger, I am learning, as my husband likes to say, "by the braille method". I'm fumbling around, trying to learn a new computer at the same time I'm trying to learn about the blogosphere. I'm discovering that people blog for all kinds of reasons, and personally it has opened up a whole new world for me. For the most part, I have "met" some amazing people (mostly women) through this incredible technology...women who through sharing their stories and gifts have blessed me daily and have encouraged me and built me up in my spirit. I hope my posts do the same for others. It truly is a social network, especially for someone like me who has been out of the work force for 16 years, and many of my days now are devoted to babysitting a couple of my grands as well as helping my mom since she is still newly widowed and no longer can drive.

I've also run into some blogspots that I've noticed have the opposite effect on me. Reading some blogs is like associating with people whose personalities or attitudes just seem to leave you feeling heavy and weighed down, instead of encouraged and built up. Sometimes I come away feeling like that blogger wants to make me their personal project and try to fix me. Don't get me wrong, I'm totally open to learning and interested in other people's perspectives and interests. But if it's not a two-way street, and if you can't make a comment without feeling personally judged by someone who really doesn't even know you, then it's not a good place to hang out. Life is too short. There are hundreds of blogs out there written by kind and gentle souls who understand it's often not what you say, but how you say it that might just make or break a reader's day. I'm learning that I can control what feeds my spirit by controlling what I read both in the blogosphere as well as other places on the internet. Just because something is purported to be "truth" doesn't always mean it is.

*not being careful of what I read in books and magazines*

We have very few magazines that come into our home. Just a few that we enjoy and have the time to read. We both do love to read books. Reading books and magazines can take your mind to all kinds of places. They can be a great escape from reality. This can be a good thing. Books can allow us to travel to places we never otherwise might be able to visit, and meet people we otherwise would never have a chance to know up close and personally. We can learn about people and cultures we would otherwise be unfamiliar with. We can delve into history or even peak into future possibilities if we are so inclined. We can be encouraged by the stories of others. What we need to be mindful of is how powerful a book or magazine can be in terms of what gets imprinted onto our brains...or suggestions that are transplanted into our hearts. I didn't understand this so much when I was a young teenager, but looking back now, I can only be thankful for a pastor's wife who saw me reading a less-than-desirable popular novel, and called me on it. She took the time to explain how filling my mind with "trash" would influence my thought processes, and my thoughts would eventually influence my actions. I've never forgotten that. Sometimes when I'm in a doctor's waiting room or at the beauty shop or checking out at the grocery store, and glance at the magazines, I'm appalled at the kinds of stories that sell. Do I really need to know all these personal details about the lives of people I would never have as my role models? Do I really need to see all that skin? The "beautiful" people of the magazines don't live in the world I live in so why should I be tempted to compare my looks, or money, or whatever with theirs?

*not taking care in choosing who I spend my time with*

We all have people in our lives who we don't necessarily click with and are not like-minded. They can be relatives, work associates, or other women in organizations we belong to. A good friend of mine--a soul sister who is much wiser and a whole lot more spiritual than me--helped me understand how I can co-exist in a Godly way with people who I wouldn't choose to be my best friends. She said that "love" is really an action verb, not a feeling. "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered. It keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres." (I Cor. 13:4-7). If I have true love in my heart, specifically the love of the Jesus Christ who I claim to serve, then I have the ability to love even the "undesirables" in my life the way this verse tells me to. It does not mean that I need to associate with them on a regular basis or in the same intimate way that I would my close friends who have my best interests at heart. But I can be kind and helpful and Christ-like toward them.

But if I want to fill my mind with whatever is true, noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable, excellent, or praiseworthy, then I need to be spending a great amount of time around people who ARE true, noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable, excellent, or praiseworthy. These are the people who really care about me, who know me because I feel free to be myself when I'm around them, and who I know they will love me in spite of any shortcomings I may have. These are the people who I know will pray for me if I need them to. They give me the benefit of the doubt. They want me to succeed in my dreams. These are also people in my sphere who I look up to because they have some wisdom that I need. They model things in their own lives that I need to learn. They challenge me to become all that I was created to be in a way that spurs me on--or like one excellent blogger said this past week, helps me "turn the page".

I need to guard my self from people who would suck up my time, energy and resources, yet with no intention of making needed changes in their own lives. I will be, and always want to be, the first person in line to lend a helping hand to anyone who needs it. But I need to maintain a proper balance; otherwise I will become a dystunctional and useless person.

"And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:7

My bucket list...

This photo was taken on the 4th of July from my front yard. What a view!

In 2007, a comedy-drama film came out called The Bucket List, starring Jack Nicholson and Morgan Freeman. The two characters met in a cancer ward and after finding out they were terminal, they escaped and set off to do all the things they ever wanted to do before they "kicked the bucket". A funny movie with a message.

I decided to make a bucket list of my own with my top ten items, not in any particular order. Here it is.

1. visit the Holy Land

2. do better at living within our means

3. write and publish a book

4. have a totally organized home, including spare rooms, basement & garage

5. downsize to a smaller, older home with lots of character

6. learn how to use my MacBook to the fullest, before it is obsolete

7. learn something about photography and be decent at it

8. do more pleasure reading while my eyes are still good

9. pray more--worry less

10. create and maintain healthy "margin" in my life

Have you ever given thought to a bucket list? Please share!