If it's not one thing, it's your mother...

I have recently found this flippant and disrespectful phrase on my mind. My mother turned 80 recently. How can I be happy about a birthday like that? Mothers are always supposed to be there for you, supporting you emotionally and always having your best interests at heart. Being your friend, your advocate, an imparter of wisdom. I don't like the idea that my mom is getting old. I've had a week and a half to think about this now, and I don't like where my thoughts are taking me. The dynamics of our relationship are all changing. I know in my heart this didn't happen overnight, but the birthday is a milestone. A time for me to come to grips with reality. Oh selfish heart, can't you let her be where she is and accept, even laud a well-lived life? This one who bore seven babies, rocked and loved them, cried with them, laughed with them, raised them well and cheered them on their way? Does she not deserve that place of high esteem? That disrespectful phrase is more about me than about mom. Its about how her aging is affecting me. Its about my attitude, my selfishness. And it masks my fear of what lies ahead, that great unknown. Its about me because I'm marching just 20 years behind her.