Jul 4, 2012

I'm back...

I keep putting off writing posts until I have time or until I feel a twinge of creativity.  Neither of those things seem to be in my life right now, so I'm just going to try posting more frequently, even if what I write is short, unimaginative, or uninteresting.  That is the nature of my life-between-the-buns anyway...never enough quality time for reflection, too busy living.  Writing is a discipline.  I just need to do it.  I long for quiet hours to pen deep and meaningful thoughts.  But I'm just not there right now.  So I'll do what I can.  

I was  whining   texting to my brother, Don, this morning.  He is in the hospital an hour away, tethered to the PICC line and receiving yet another 96 hours of chemotherapy.  Pretty low of me to be complaining to him about my stressed out condition.  But he's a psychologist afterall, and I just dumped on him.  

"Good morning.   How's it going? I've been pretty stressed out this week--desperately need some down time...have no idea how to accomplish that.  I thought I was about over this head cold ...blah blah blah..."

"...get a no-brainer book and just relax!..."

"wish we were all at the beach again..."

"indeed! we'll do it again!..."

"is it ok and sane to just have a good cry and get it out of my system?"

"of course!!"

"I just feel a general sense of "loss" lately...feeling the sense of our earthly mortality...good times and good people gone by...makes me sad..."

"might also be good to journal your feelings. A good way to know that these feelings are normal and also that they are transitory."

"yes, and thankful for the assurance that God has it all in His hands...so when I can't see that hand I still know I can trust His heart...I am going to make a couple apple pies today.  Playing in the kitchen is a stress reliever for me..."

"don't forget my tuna casserole!"

Such is the friendly banter between two siblings who love each other and show grace to each other on a regular basis. My brother is a very wise man.  The advice he gave about journaling my feelings so I will see they are transitory is why I'm back.  This blog is the journal of my life right now.  Pies turned out great.  Mom, kids and grandkids came over to share the day, and tuna casserole will be ready as soon as my brother recovers from this round of chemo, hopefully in about a week.

"To everything there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heavens." Ecclesiastes 3:1


Awakening Sardis said...

I so know what you mean when the shortness of life and all the troubles seems to get you down. Me too. Hugs. Love you. I whine to my brother too. :)

Rebecca said...

This is the main reason I blog, too! (Probably why I made 2 apple pies the other day, too! No. That's because I couldn't throw away the few red ones that were on the ground along with all the other unripe ones...)

Anonymous said...

So glad to see you back! Have missed you - even though we don't really know each other - much in common. Still praying for Don (and you also). Curt sees a cardio doctor today. They changed one med because of what is was doing to his heart.
Blessings, Ann

Walking on Sunshine... said...

I so understand this post! I feel some days so overwhelmed with everything that I really just want to sit and cry and then I feel so grateful and blessed for everything that I want to sit and cry again! Your pies look amazing! I thought they were peach on Facebook...wishful thinking. I love peach anything. Enjoy your day. Thinking of you and praying for your brother.

Judy said...

So glad you are back.
Somehow it seems as if I should go back some apple pies!

Dee said...

Well Hi there...glad your back....:)